his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
