I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
