1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
