I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
