Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
