The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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