fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
