her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he thought i was a dude.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
