Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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