yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
