Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
