Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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