I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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