who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
