Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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