Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
