Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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