You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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