Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
