So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I need water and some morals
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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