well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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