my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
