i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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