the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
