And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
