if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's rum buckets o'clock
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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