you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hippo gnu deer
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
