Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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