Soap is not a condiment
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
