C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
