I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
