i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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