Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
