i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
