he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
