You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
