Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
