I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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