everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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