Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Terrible idea I love it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
