life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
