She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
