I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
