I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
