I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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