I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
