Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
