Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
