I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
