I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
